Relationships with Exes

I’ve been dating my guy for a little over a year now and recently discovered that he has been in daily communication (texts and phone calls) with his ex.   None of the texts I stumbled upon were overtly inappropriate, but all were signed with “love you’s” and just the fact that they talk every single day, multiple times a day is cause for concern.

When I confronted him with this and told him how uncomfortable it made me feel, he said I was being ridiculous because they are just friends and she is engaged to be married and lives in another state. However, I know that she broke it off with him after they dated only 6 months and moved to be with her now fiance, leaving my guy heartbroken.  I feel like she’s keeping her options open by talking to my guy every day.

Am I being ridiculous or do I have a right to be disturbed?  I know I have triggers in this area because I have been cheated on in the past. I am having a hard time figuring out what part of this is my issue, and what part of it is valid.

Confused

Dear Confused,

Cheers to you for recognizing your triggers as you work through this issue.  Just because you have triggers in this area does not mean that what you are feeling is not valid.  All of your emotions and experiences are valid.  The fact that you feel them is all the validation you need.

It sounds to me like it’s time to mark your territory.  Daily contact with an ex is a lot of energetic exchange.  Regardless of what either one’s intentions are, the results are causing you to feel uncomfortable and rightly so!

My advice to you is to revisit this conversation with your guy.  Tell him again that this daily contact makes you feel uncomfortable.  Let him know that by him calling your concerns ridiculous, he is invalidating your feelings.

Prior to talking to him, decide what level of contact, if any, you would be comfortable with at this point.  And then ask him if he is willing to respect your feelings and follow your desire that he limit his contact with her.

Be clear that you are not issuing demands, you are simply asking him to make it clear by his actions that you, his current love, are more important than his daily contact with his ex.

Speak up and shine on sister,

 ___________________________________________________________

Gillian Sky Walker believes in you!  Her belief that her life’s calling is to be an inspiration and source of encouragement to as many people as possibe led her to create shinygilly.com, where she offers personal growth and wellness videos as Shiny Gilly.  Gillian has over 15 years of counseling, teaching and speaking experience.  She is the founder of Therapeutic Trance Training and leads several trainings a year, certifying others in this method.  Her authentic and dynamic delivery makes wellness accessible and fun for everyone.  Her certifications include Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner, Registered Yoga Teacher and Reiki Master.  Gillian spends most of her time speaking, teaching and filming.  She and her husband run Shiny Gilly Productions, filming web content for local business owners out of their home studio.  They also co-host a youtube show together where they discuss current events, interview local business owners, and answer relationship questions.  They are finishing up a book on dating advice that will be released later this year